The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. The worms play pinochle on your snout.
I know, gross. But so are gummi worms. Invented in 1981 (about 60 years later than the gummi bear) the gummi worm has enjoyed 30 years of creepy, slimy success with children the world over. These days you can get just about anything in gummi form but I think the worm wins for being the yuckiest. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t turn anything gummi away. I’ll eat that worm without issue.
I’m a very picky eater. When I was a youngster I would not eat any food that had touched its neighbor. I would carefully divide my food into its own zip code and there it must stay until it was consumed. I would eat all of one item first, then the next, and so on, until I was finished. It would take me hours to eat. And I liked minimal. My food choices consisted of tomatoes, cabbage, potatoes (with the exception of mashed… ewww) and spaghetti. I deeply disliked the texture of meat but would have the occasional hamburger (I didn’t have a cheeseburger until I was around nine years old) but most other meats were out of the question. We rarely had chicken at our house, so I didn’t actually eat chicken until I was in college. Sure, I’d had chicken soup before, but I ate around the chicken chunks.
I learned around the age of 25 that mustard wasn’t disgusting. That same year I learned that shrimp was quite tasty. Each year of my early adulthood I would try a few new things – not TOO adventurous, mind you – but I’d try to expand my horizons here and there.
There are still some foods that I will not touch. I hate fish. All fish. I cannot get past the smell. The simple sight of a can of tuna makes me gag. And sushi? Fuhgeddaboudit. I know, I’m high maintenance. The most adventurous I’ve ever been is having a coney dog at Phillips’ Coney Island near the scary part of Columbus. Scary food in a scary part of town makes for one great adventure! I’m just kidding. The food is delicious, but you do need a shock from the old defibrillator once you’re done eating there. Just walking into that place makes the arteries harden.
So, for the adventurous eaters out there, cheers. You can keep on with your sushi, Rocky Mountain Oysters, shrimp heads, sweetbreads, cow tongue, head cheese, goldfish, and whatever other disgusting foods you can come up with.
I’ll stick to gummi worms.