I can’t stop the nightmares. It’s the one where I’m caught under ice. My gloved fists pounding against the thick layer of frozen water, desperate to reach the air that is barricaded from me. Oh, how I want to be on the other side where the air is crisp and taking a breath is exhilarating instead of being underneath. Taking a breath here will doom me to a watery grave. But it’s inevitable. I’m going to have to “breathe” sometime. And taking water into my lungs will weigh me down until I disappear into the darkness of whatever lies beneath.

I hate that I can’t escape into my dreams. I’m overloaded in my everyday life and sleep should be a time of respite but the nightmares keep coming. Most of the time it’s the one about the ice. Other times it’s about pain. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I had both dreams last night. Something woke me up at 2 AM and I haven’t been able to sleep since. I tried working on some crafts but I was uninspired. I tried watching a movie but couldn’t focus. I am now trying to write but feel jumbled. My brain is frozen. Much like being caught under ice.

I want. I need. I long for. What? What is it? I’m so tired of not being able to think.

I’m just so tired.

2 thoughts on “”

  1. Ugh. The recurring dreams. Mine is that I’ve forgotten to give Finn his chemo and I can’t find it. Just had one last night and I’m a groggy mess today. Boo hiss, cancer.

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