So, Ben and I like to fly Frontier on our jaunts back and forth to NYC. They have direct flights into LaGuardia PLUS they have Direct TV on most of their planes. Having a few channels of Direct TV certainly makes a four hour flight a lot more tolerable.
On our most recent trip to NYC I got sucked into Bravo’s “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”. I’d heard of the Housewives series but had not experienced it first hand since we don’t have cable at home. I felt I owed it to myself to see what the hubbub was all about.
It was a flipping train wreck. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. These women – these “real housewives” – are aesthetically pleasing to look at – beautiful hair, stunning jewelry, expensive clothes, fancy homes – but had absolutely horrible, hateful personalities. The jealousy and general malaise over nothing in particular permeated through the teeny-tiny screen mounted to the back of the seat in front of me. I’m sure I was sneering in disgust as these women jetted across the country to do fabulous things while nannies cared for their children, staff managers made sure their homes were perfect, and body guards kept their so-called friends from shoving a high-end, jewel encrusted Henckles butcher knife between their shoulder blades. Who needs friends like that? What is so “real” about these women? While I wouldn’t wish having a sick child on anyone, I can’t help but imagine how these women would handle a situation like mine. Would they hire a nurse to give the shots? Would they hire a special nanny to deal with hospital duty? A professional organizer to deal with the copious amounts of daily medication? A special team of housekeepers to keep up with the sweat-doused sheets and vomiting? I wonder.
Drama. I’ve had a bit more than I can deal with lately. I keep thinking that I’ve reached my boiling point but the hooey just keeps a-comin’. My mother is deteriorating quickly. She’s still in the hospital and it is now believed that she has had a series of strokes over the last couple of weeks. There was drama in NYC for Ben’s most recent round of antibody therapy. His bone marrow procedure disappeared from the surgery schedule so we were in NYC for no reason. Antibody therapy is always horrible – so listening to Ben scream in pain was terribly unpleasant. Then our dear friend who relapsed. He’s starting treatment soon and will be receiving four times the regular dose of antibodies. My heart breaks to think of the pain he will have to endure. Then a couple of friends have died in the past few weeks. Too much drama. Too much pain. Too much.
Yet, life goes on. Beds still get made. Dinner finds its way to the table. Laundry (ugh) gets done. Lately, I cry while doing my daily routine, wondering if and when there will be any peace. Then there’s the wishing I were wealthy enough to hire someone to do all the dirty work. It’d be worth a knife or two between the shoulder blades, I think.
Maybe that knife to the back would finally get rid of that pesky knot I’ve been carrying around for seven years. 🙂
Oh my goodness, how much more can happen to you guys. You are definitely earning your wings. I will definitely pray for your parents and continue to pray for Ben.
I really hope you can find some peace around Christmas and I really hope that 2011 will bring you some joy that is well deserved.
May God continue to bless you and your family.
Please know that I think about you guys all the time and pray for you.
Please give little Ben a kiss and a hug for me. And, please give yourself a pat on the back. You are an amazing person and mother. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to not be angry at God. But, please keep your faith in him, as he is the only one that can cure your little Ben and he wants you to trust him. And, I know that he is the one that is keeping you strong each and every day, as there is no way anyone, on their own, could continue to go through what you have and not completely crumble. Please continue to lean on him for support and guidance.
Just remember you are beyond wonderful!!!!
And, I will be sure to pray for your counselor 🙂
Here’s a song I sing when things get crazy:
When I breathe in, I breathe in peace.
When I breathe out, I breathe out love.
I can’t imagine how things are for you. But sing that song while imagining yourself in a beautiful place surrounded by the people who love you and doing that one thing that you love most of all (and since it’s a fantasy all of your favorite people absolutely adore it too). You may cry harder while you’re singing, but you may feel better when you’re done.
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