It’s “Pet Peeve Week”

pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to him or her, to a greater degree than others may find it.

Minor annoyance? My pet peeves are not MINOR annoyances. They are anger-provoking, heart-stopping, seething-through-teeth issues that alter my every day life. I know you’re dying to know what my peeves are so here’s today’s Top 10 list of my pet peeves:

10. People who don’t appreciate “wide screen” movies. There is a HUGE difference in watching a movie that should be presented in letterbox versus the dreaded “pan and scan”. It’s like abridging something that should always be unabridged.

9. Unhappy people who wear “happy clothes”. Any adult who wears items of clothing with Disney cartoon characters on them… you must be ridiculously happy or I don’t want to see you in your Seven Dwarfs sweatshirt. I will feel sorry for Sneezy, Dopey, et al, if they have to live with and listen to you.

8. Condiment crud. If you use the ketchup, wipe off the top before replacing the cap. This applies to every condiment (yes, even tabasco). If the lid makes a crunching sound as I’m trying to dislodge the cap, you’ll have one very unhappy Sarah on your hands.

7. Toothpicks. Use it and dispose of it. Quickly. Don’t chill out with it hanging in your mouth. That’s gross.

6. Shower etiquette: do NOT blow your nose or leave your hair or leave the lid off of the shampoo. If you use my sponge, that’s an automatic death sentence. Do Not Pass Go. If I catch you violating my shower rules, I might throw my plugged-in hairdryer into the mix.

5. Litterbugs. Litter makes me bitter. Except spitting gum out through the car window. I think that’s okay. I like to think there’s a herd of deer out there that likes to chew gum. Or maybe a passel of possums.

4. Pens that have poor ink flow. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to write a check, leave a note, scratch off something from your to-do list, or write the Great American Novel with a pen that leaves globs and gloops all over the paper (or, worse yet, your hands).

3. Kitchen fouls: leaving cabinet doors open, shoving pans and containers into cabinets to the point where they won’t close, and never clearing the microwave numbers after taking something out before the beep happens.

2. Being tickled. I hate it. It’s undoubtedly a form of torture.

1. Poor grammar/misspellings. I ain’t got no… She don’t like… I seen you… there/they’re/their… your/you’re… Kwik Stop… Krispy Kreme (although I’m willing to overlook this one for the pure deliciousness)… samwich… supposebly… expresso…. Spell it right, say it right and use proper grammar! It ain’t that hard!

This list changes often so check back to see if you’re on it. 😀 In an effort to provide a fair and balanced post, I’m going to list the Top 10 things about me that might completely peeve you:

10. I spit gum out through the car window.

9. I always need a favor.

8. I ALWAYS have a story and will often interrupt you to tell you my story.

7. I’m always late.

6. I apologize all the time. I’m sorry.

5. Do not leave me a voice mail because I will not listen to it. I will write down who called but delete the message. I hate listening to voice mail. I respond solely to email, texts or Facebook.

4. I can’t say the letter “R” vewy (very) well.

3. I do like my swear words. I wish I didn’t but the life I’m currently living is a breeding ground for foul language. I apologize in advance for my potty mouth.

2. I’m always moving. Fidgety. Hyper to a point. I tap dance when I’m standing in line at the grocery store and shake the bed as I’m trying to fall asleep. I can’t help it and often don’t realize that I’m doing it.

1. I have absolutely no control over my brain. It does what it wants. We used to be enemies but now I just kind of accept that it does its own thing.

I left cancer off the list because, “duh”, of course I hate cancer. I don’t need to talk about cancer in every post.

So, there you have it. If you have a pet peeve to report that is not on my list then too bad. If it’s not registered here then it technically cannot bother you (I guess I need to reread the definition of pet peeve, eh?) I am interested in hearing what your pet peeves are as long as it’s not about me.

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