It’s “Near Miss” and “Chips and Dip” Day

On March 23, 1989, a gigantic asteroid came within 500,000 miles of colliding with Earth. 500,000 miles doesn’t really sound like a “near miss” but I guess in the world of asteroids we’re lucky it didn’t hit us. I was alive in 1989 (not to mention a full-fledged adult!) but I do not remember this being in the news. Oh, wait. I was a junior at Ohio University back in ’89. That explains so much. If you attended OU, you understand (I must have been at the Bagel Buggy 😉 ).

So, Yay, Earth! Congratulations on getting out of the way! From what I understand, asteroids come flying at us often and it’s only a matter of time before we get smacked in the head with one. Like I didn’t have enough to think about. It’d be pretty sweet if we could get some “gamers” shipped out to space and set them up with a humongous blaster to fend off the gigantic rocks hurtling through space… just like a giant game of Asteroids. Man, I loved that game back in the day. I believe my mad blasting skills would at least allow me to get to the second level.

But who cares about asteroids hurtling at our planet when there’s chips and dip to be had? I love, love, LOVE chips and dip. I’m sure I could find a way for it to fulfill a necessary daily requirement on every level of the food pyramid. Oh, okay, it’s my own made-up pyramid, and “dip” is the sole occupant of the base. But, in my mind, dip is fully prepared to shoulder the weight of everything else. Dip is just that good. It can do anything.

It’s still breakfast time here in Colorado and I’ve decided I’m not going to eat anything just yet. I’ve never been a fan of eating when I first get up in the morning but usually around 9:30 I’m ready for my cheesy grits. Today, however, I’m going to wait. I have to take Ben to the hospital to get a blood draw and on the way I’m stopping for a family size bag of Ruffles and a vat of French onion dip. And that’s all I’m going to eat today. Breakfast, lunch AND dinner.

Chips and dip are certainly my favorite foods in a time of crisis. While I’ve had no shortage of crises over the last few years it seems like the world’s chip supply is dwindling. I’m getting to the point of thinking I can’t function efficiently unless I’m faced with a crisis, but if I run out of chips, there’s gonna be trouble.

Several years ago I had to have a colonoscopy. For those of you who have had one, you know you have to do the “cleansing” portion for several hours before your actual appointment. In order to properly vacate your bowels, you must drink an unending supply of heinous-tasting liquid AND have nothing to eat for a very long period of time. It’s absolutely terrible. I was anesthetized for my procedure (which turned out nothing suspicious) and once I was safely deposited (by my dear friend, June) at my house, I ate an entire bag of Wavy Lays loaded with my favorite French onion dip. I was still foggy from the anesthetic, but there was no way it was gonna deter me from drowning myself in my favorite comfort food.

Okay, Ben is done with school for today and we need to go to the hospital for blood work. Hopefully those platelets are edging toward 100K, which will enable him to finally have that surgery in New York. I’m trying not to stress about it – thinking that there’s evil cancer cells inside of my Bean – and without chemo or surgery, they’re just hanging out in there with nothing better to do than grow.

Ugh. Where are the chips and dip? Come to my rescue, my precious. Or send an asteroid to put us all out of our misery.