Panic schmanic. I don’t have the time or the energy to panic. And besides, Ben and I went to see “The Lion King” tonight, which promotes the whole “Hakuna Matata” theme, so I’m just going to go with it. If I feel the need to panic, I can wait for “International Panic Day“, which occurs sometime in June.
Oh, okay, I have many mini-moments of panic throughout the day. There are times that the stress just overwhelms me and my mind peels out leaving burn marks on the pavement only to skid to a sudden stop like a drag racer playing red light-green light. I’m not in control. I can only react to the commands. STOP! GO! There seems to be no in-between.
Ben and I got up early yesterday morning to head to MSKCC for surgery. We checked in at 10 am, did blood work and hung out in the darkened corner of a shared pre-surgical room. Ben played his game boy and I listened to whatever was playing on our roommate’s television. It was some sort of “reality” court show – Judge Judy or something like it – which usually makes me feel like I live at the top of the human food chain since the participants on these shows are D-U-M-B, DUMB! I am awfully quick to forget my redneck roots.
So, I’m sitting there with Ben – fairly relaxed considering the stressful situation – and listening to the man on the court show tell the judge that DNA testing proves that he is the father of just six out of many kids clamoring for the right to call him daddy. At the pinnacle of this particular case, our nurse, Courtney, comes back to tell us that surgery will be postponed thanks to LOW PLATELETS. She told us to come back on Thursday morning to recheck his counts and if they’re high enough then MAYBE surgery will take place on Friday. Ben was exasperated – he wants to be done with the whole mess – and I’m not sure whether I should be relieved or cranky. So I decide to be a little of both.
Some people believe that ice cream fixes everything, so we went to Serendipity to get some. Ben’s sundae was bigger than his head! And, of course, he barely made a dent in it. We came back to the Ronald to chill out, got some pizza, played with friends and watched tv.
I woke up this morning to an absolutely stunning day. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. I was a bit depressed because of the delay in surgery, but knew that we needed to get outside as soon as possible. I put Ben in the wheelchair (he’s having some bone pain from the GCSF shots) and headed over to the park. We walked up Fifth, through the park, around the lake, over to Central Park West, down through Strawberry Fields, listened to street musicians (the guy with the bagpipes was my personal favorite), saw where John Lennon was shot, and then walked down through Columbus Circle to Times Square. Oh yeah, we stopped by the Carnegie Deli for dinner. Ben had scrambled eggs and I had the biggest flipping reuben sandwich I’ve ever seen in my life. I barely made a dent in the truckloads of corned beef. I’m just not that big of a carnivore. 🙂
Then we saw The Lion King. It was good. Not as wonderful as Wicked (in my opinion) but Ben loved it. I’ve decided that I LOVE the theater. I’m amazed by the costumes and how a story is translated into an event that occurs on a single stage. Stunning. After the show we walked back to The Ronald. I’m guessing that I walked about 10 miles today. It’s probably an over-estimation, but whatever. I walked A LOT (I have to interject here to say that “A LOT” is actually two words. I’m hoping that this is something that most learned in middle school, but it seems that many people are not aware that A LOT is NOT spelled “alot”. Knowledge is power).
So, after many miles of walking, we get back to The Ronald only to find that we were locked out of our room. It seems that our social worker did not extend our stay after the surgery was postponed and since I was out walking all day today, I didn’t know that there was an issue until 11 PM tonight. I was tired. A little bit sunburned from the beautiful weather. Slightly stinky from all the exercise. Feet a bit sore. And Family Guy was getting ready to start. After a few minutes of discussion, they renewed my pass until the 11th. If Ben doesn’t make counts Thursday, I have a feeling we’ll be heading home. Ugh.
I will not panic.
I just have to remember that none of this is in my control. All I can do is go with the flow. Hakuna Matata. No worries. I’ll get up tomorrow and walk off my anxiety no matter what the weather is.
Panic Schmanic. Of course, I’m saying this in my best Manhattan accent, which I have to say has reached a level of sounding like I’m a true-blue native. Well, almost. 🙂
Stronger Than I Look 