“Give us any chance, we’ll take it. Give us any rule, we’ll break it. We’re gonna make our dreams come true. Doin’ it our way.”
Ah, Laverne and Shirley. I loved that show. Just a couple of average girls looking to make their way in this crazy world. Working in a brewery, looking for love, fending off crazy neighbors. Normal. And they had a great theme song.
What would it take to make my dreams come true? I guess I’d have to sit down and make a list of what my dreams really are. They’ve changed over the years – and some of them I’ve attained – only to find that it wasn’t what I thought it would be. Usually, I’d learn that the “let-down” I’d experience after achieving a certain “goal” was because I realized that they weren’t MY dreams, I was doing it for someone else. Trying to make someone else proud of me, when I should just be proud of myself.
The greatest (and most expensive) “dream” that I chased without really and truly wanting it was my MBA. I did this for my ex-husband’s family (who were mildly embarrassed that I had a degree in social work but was a bank teller and had aspirations of being a massage therapist). So, I started off as a superstar student and as I went along I discovered that I was NOT interested in the world of big business. So I thought I might use my degree to focus on non-profits. And I learned that I didn’t really like that either. I just don’t like the business aspect of any business. I’m not a negotiator. I’m not comfortable with confrontation. I don’t like to sit in meeting after meeting, discussing synergies or paradigms or core competencies. I like to be inside the box. And I certainly don’t like motivational posters.
Well, with the exception of this one:
So, what are my current dreams? My main dream right now is to find an immediate cure for cancer. Particularly recurring neuroblastoma, since that is the nuisance trying to keep my son from formulating his own dreams. But I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. And there ain’t no way will I start medical school since I still have debt from my unused MBA – a student loan I defer year after year just because I don’t have the money to pay for it. Damn my ex-husband and his hoity-toity family (this is where I will use the “Blame Someone Else” Day). So, I have to leave this precious, all-important dream in the hands of others. I hope they’re having productive days in the lab instead of meeting with middle-management, sitting through sexual harassment seminars, and learning more about their core competencies. Find a flipping cure already. Kids are dying.
Dreams. I have a lot of them in my waking moments that I’d love to achieve but at this time it’s just too much to think about. My most pressing dream is to just get through this day. To take my son to his radiation appointment and not hyperventilate when that big door slams shut, forming that impenetrable wall between me and my precious eight-year-old as he gets zapped with radiation. I dream that I can get the laundry done. Clean the cat box. Maybe do a craft or two with my five-year-old. My immediate dreams are not lofty but wildly important nonetheless.
But someday, I will make this world a better place. And whether I do that by writing a heartwarming best seller (preferably an INTERNATIONAL best seller) or just being the best mom to the two greatest kids in the Universe, well, what does it matter? I’m doing my best. And I’m proud of that.
Stronger Than I Look 