It’s Canada Day, Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day and International Joke Day

Happy July, everyone. I have until the 9th to enjoy being 40. I’ll be moving up a notch.

So, I have to start off with a joke. I’m not good at remembering jokes so I looked one up online. Here goes:

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.” 🙂

It’s birthday time for my family. Ben’s bday was on June 22, My step-dad’s birthday is July 5, my brother Scott, cousin David and drunk grandfather Jake’s birthdays are all on July 8 with me missing the boat by a mere 25 minutes and being born on the 9th. You’d think it would be an ice cream extravaganza around here. Honestly, I’m not a fan of ice cream. I’ll eat butter pecan once in a blue moon but my standard is vanilla. Plain, boring vanilla. So for a holiday to solely celebrate creative ice cream, I’ll just leave that one to the rest of you ice cream eating people out there.

I know Graeters has that raspberry chocolate chip stuff that everyone seems to like. And they’ve gone national with it. I actually saw a coupon in the Denver paper for this frozen treat available at King Soopers. They are part of the Kroger’s chain. I do shop at King Soopers even though I have major issue with how they spell their name. I consistently tell the lucky one scanning my groceries that they should really consider contacting their corporate office to complain how the misspelling is contributing to our Nation’s illiteracy issues. Their eyes become heavy-lidded as they give me that “you’ve got to be kidding” look, only to ask “paper or plastic” when the bagger is already placing my groceries in plastic. I should get some of those “green” bags.

See? I can’t even stay on topic here. Ice cream is clearly not my thing. I guess we’ll take the kids to Coldstone tonight where they can get blue ice cream with sprinkles and kit kat mixed in. *Shudder*. I’ll just have vanilla.

It’s also Canada Day. I wonder if they’re interested in ice cream? It’s so cold up there – they probably don’t care about it either. Maybe I’m Canadian? I don’t know any history on Canada Day, but my step-grandmother was from Manitoba. There was always an emphasis on the third syllable: Man-i-TOE-ba. I kinda like the Canadian accent. What’s that all aBOAT? I’m actually a big fan of accents in general. I perfected my New York Jewish accent while at camp back in the 80’s. My Jewish alter ego is named Sally Rabinowitz. She’s married to Murray. And then I’ve got my West Virginia alter ego: Sally Mae Skinner. She longs to leave her river town and attend one of them-thar universities. And, of course, my Southern Belle, Sally Jean Vanderbilt, who occasionally likes to make prank phone calls. Today I’m going to create my Canadian alter-ego. Sally Man-i-TOE-ba. And that’s how I’ll celebrate Canada Day. Drinking a Canada Dry ginger ale. Singing O Canada. And perhaps getting out my hockey stick and skates. Ya.

You might like to know that July is also: National Blueberry Month, National Anti-Boredom Month, Unlucky Month for Weddings (Where was this information when I got married the FIRST time – JULY 24?), National Cell Phone Courtesy Month, National Hot Dog Month, and National Ice Cream Month.

And then my favorite – and one I’ll be celebrating – the second week of July is Nude Recreation Week. Nude hiking, nude biking, nude water skiing, nude mowing your yard… the opportunities are endless. ENJOY!

Here’s a picture of me enjoying my nudity at an early age.


More tomorrow 🙂 Not more nudity. More writing. Don’t be disappointed.

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